Dealing with Diabetes

Hello! Long time no talk. I disappeared for a bit, and I feel like I owe everyone a bit of an explanation, and a little apology. 2023 had some challenges for me, and when I get a stressed, I pull into myself. I don’t usually share a lot of personal stuff, but I thought this might be helpful for some. So, this post is mostly about life, not so much about any quilting projects. I’m going to share some pretty personal health details here. I’m going to share how I’m dealing with my diabetes diagnosis.

*For those of you who are here for the Color Catcher Quilt Along – I’m so sorry I disappeared on you! I was hoping it would be a good distraction from health stuff, but instead it was too much for me to deal with.

Back in August I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Mom and I call it the family disease, because everyone on her side has it, going back generations. I’m not in touch with my father’s family, so I’m unaware of their disease history, other than substance abuse and emotional problems. What a legacy! The diabetes diagnosis was not a surprise – my numbers have been creeping up for years, and my weight was pretty steadily going up, despite my attempts to control it. Finally, I crossed the finish line (A1C of 6.5), and my doctor went from giving warnings to actually helping.

My primary care doc and I discussed Ozempic to help with the weight loss, but because of my family history with thyroid cancer, she sent me to an endocrinologist. She also started me on Metformin. I was more able to control my diet once I knew that I have diabetes, rather than that I might get diabetes. Salads no longer give me an IBS flare up, which is a new development.

I have always been blessed with curves, which just got curvier as I hit puberty. When I was in college I opted to use Depo-provera as birth control. A once-per-month hormone injection instead of pills, because I forget things and didn’t want to have a baby because of it. Depo did something to me and caused consistent weight gain that has never stopped, even though I stopped taking it when I was 23. One thing I’ve noticed in the past few years is that I am always hungry, and never feel satiated. I wanted help with that.

Previous doctors have prescribed self control, which wasn’t helpful. They have also prescribed exercise, which increases my appetite. One doctor gave me Phenteramine, which made me feel like I was having a heart attack and a mental breakdown after one dose. He assured me I would get used to it, but death felt near, and I’d rather die fat than crazy. (Not fun crazy, this was like I was not connected to the world.) This same doctor also pushed gastric bypass surgery, but I’m not ready for that.

I met my new favorite doctor in September, Dr. Makhsida. If you need an endocrinologist in Northern New Jersey, he’s fantastic. He talked to me, listened to my concerns, and prescribed me Mounjaro and Jardiance. I was thrilled. I started both at the same time. This has been great for me, but I don’t know which one does what to my body as far as side effects. I assume most of the side effects are Mounjaro related.

Mounjaro has been a life-changer for me. For a month of so after starting I felt a little nauseated, but I only threw up once, so not too bad. Mostly, I’m not all that interested in food. Once in a while I’ll feel icky the day after taking it. I take my dose on Monday, because I like alliteration. So, I often have Mounjaro Monday, followed by Pukey Tuesday (not alliteration, but still fun to say). I rarely actually vomit, but I’m actively not interested in food. That’s often a day for a lot of mild, cold foods. Other than that, I’m fine. I don’t want to eat much, so I’m able to eat small portions and feel satisfied. The nausea does come back after the dose increases, but I’ve only done that once so far.

The only other side effect I have that is annoying is an injection-site rash. I get a red welt where I inject into my belly and it gets itchy. A nurse advised injecting into my thigh, and while that made the rash go away, the needle hurt a lot more! So I’m back to my belly, which is less sensitive to the needle.

I’ve also made the decision, with the doctor, that even when I do feel nauseated, I”m willing to suffer for a while to get down to a healthy weight. It is important enough to suffer for, at least for a few more months.

Since August I’m down 45 lbs, which is a nice start to my goal of losing 100 lbs. My weight at my highest was 224 lbs. It is terrifying and deeply embarrassing to write that number down, but it explains why my ass looked so crazy in my videos, and why my clothes haven’t been fitting, and why moving has been so hard.

I started on the lowest dose of Mounjaro, and Dr. M increased it to the next level after one month. Since my weight was dropping so steadily – about 10 lbs per month, we have decided not to increase yet. Notice I say “we”? This is the first time I’ve ever felt like my doctor listened to me and considered me a partner in my healthcare. This started as a diabetes diagnosis, but I’m more concerned about my weight, and Dr. M seems to respect that. We are partners in getting me down to a healthy weight, and I love him.

I have hit a plateau over the last two weeks, so I am going to give him a call and discuss going up a notch. I had thought it was just from Christmas food shenanigans followed by our 2 day road trip to Florida, but now I’m not so sure. It’s been two weeks, and I’m exercising daily (long dog walks, swimming and biking), and my weight is not going down at all. My legs are killing me, though, which is a good thing. I’ve felt this pain before, and it means my muscles are getting stronger. I could be doing that fun thing that happens when you start working out of replacing fat with muscle, which makes you gain some weight. While I know weight is not the only important number, it is the number I watch, and I’m more than a little obsessed with it.

My other numbers are all good. My A1C is down to 5.7, which is almost normal. My blood sugars are well controlled, and my blood pressure has been going down. My weight is down to 178, which is a big improvement. I have a hard time looking at that number and being content, though. All I can see is that my weight was completely out of control and I still have a long way to go.

One thing I didn’t know about diabetes is that once you are diagnosed diabetic, you are always diabetic, even if you get your numbers under control. That should feel bad to me, but what it means in reality is that now that I’ve unlocked that achievement, I can get help for this thing that has been troubling me since I was in my early 20’s. I suspect I will be on Mounjaro for the rest of my life, and I’m fine with that. The idea that I will be able to walk my doggies and be active when I’m older, rather than flop around and feel sorry myself is very appealing.

If you are thinking about losing weight, I have some suggestions other than the meds. The meds are great for me, but everyone gets to do their thing their own way, and they can be very expensive. I am a huge fan of the Lose It! app. (The icon looks like an orange scale.) My primary care doc recommended it, and it is very helpful. That and my kitchen scale have helped me be more accountable with what I eat. Unlike calorie trackers in the past, this one has a huge database – whatever I eat is already listed in there, or I can get a close approximation. Every 5 pound loss gives you a silly milestone that I find immensely amusing. My favorite so far was a microwave oven at 35 pounds down.

Find physical activities you like, not ones you’re good at. If I waited for stuff I’m good at, I’d never move around. And take help when it is offered. I love to bike, but it’s hard. Jeremy bought me an e-bike, which gives me a little assistance. Now I can go for long bike rides under my own steam, and I know I can get back home if I go too far. Plus, I have a bike basket to carry my favorite exercise pals with me. (The dogs enjoy biking, too – all of the sniffs but none of the work.) I enjoy golfing with Jeremy, although I totally suck at it. This isn’t my usual self-deprecation, either. I truly do suck at golf, but I still enjoy it. I love swimming laps, but I know my form is terrible.

At some point this winter I’ll be signing up for golf lessons – I’d like to improve from ridiculous to just bad at golf. I’ll probably get a personal trainer in a bit, too. I’ve worked with one before, and the accountability makes a difference. Also, someone who understands how I can get stronger is always nice. I’m 50 years old now – I want to still be healthy and active when Jeremy retires and we can play together all day. Plus, we are retiring in Southwest Florida, land of the alligators. I saw one while walking the dogs yesterday. I need to maintain a certain level of fitness so I can snatch up the dogs and run away when needed.

Positive aspects of weight loss are great, but there are some other weird ones that aren’t as fun. None of my clothes fit right now, which is good, but annoying. I have to buy new clothes, but what size am I? Getting mostly naked in public isn’t my favorite, but neither is having my jeans sliding down my ass. I’m also tired a lot of the time. No real surprise there – my body is digesting itself. Despite being down 45 pounds, I really can’t see a difference when I look in the mirror. I’ve had some people I’ve known for years not notice a difference, but people I don’t know all that well ask what is going on. I also have anxiety about the saggy skin business that is surely in my future. What is my weird, deflated body going to look like? What will it feel like?

One major positive aspect is that I can go up the full flight of stairs in my house without having to stop and catch my breath at the top now. Also, I can carry two 40 lb bags of salt across the house. I still make my son bring them down to the basement. I’m not a maniac.

I’ll be back soon to talk quilting and embroidery with you. I just wanted to get this out here. The decision to share or not share has been keeping me from writing anything else. I hope you are having a wonderful start to the year. I’m off to do some slow stitching.