Have you ever felt Imposter Syndrome? It was described in the 1970’s by two psychologists as high achievers being unable to internalize and accept success, instead attributing their success to luck. (Weir 24) Of course, immediately I look at this definition and see “high achievers”, and wonder if saying I have imposter syndrome means I think too highly of myself. Lol. I’m neurotic about my neuroses.
I feel imposter syndrome often. My friends call me out on it when I say things like “Anyone can do what I do” or “I’m not a real artist.” Just when I think I’ve beaten my inner critic into submission, it pops back up again, telling me I’m a fraud. I’ve had a thought that helped me last week, as I prepared for my most recent trunk show.
This was a shower idea. I get my best, clearest ideas in the shower. I don’t know what it is, but there is something that happens when that hot water is flowing over me that just releases ideas. It’s probably the only time I relax all day. I keep bathtub crayons in the shower to capture those ideas, because all too often they go down the drain with the soap bubbles. This is part of the reason I don’t enjoy showering – it feels good, but gives me evidence that I’m a ding dong. I get great ideas, but by the time I make it to my desk, they have evaporated.
Here it is:
I am the imposter they asked for.
It’s a pretty simple idea, and doesn’t negate my imposter syndrome at all. I may be an imposter, but hey, I’m the one they want today.
This feels so much more “natural” to me. First, it puts the blame for my success on someone else. This isn’t really doing myself justice – I work hard, and I accomplish big things. Second, more blame on them, because they should have read my blog before hiring me. (This is me being funny.)
For me, I think Imposter Syndrome was taught. As a child, bragging was frowned upon, so I don’t like to brag. However, in business, I’m supposed to show off my work, then convince people to hire me to TALK ABOUT MYSELF and tell them how great I am some more. I guess I missed the day in school that said “okay, now bragging is allowed.”
I am getting over it, though. Yesterday I presented my trunk show, and my audience gave me very positive feedback. I think I’m just going to own the fact that I do a good job with my presentations, and I’m a good quilter. One key has been adjusting the message of my show. When I started it was “My Quilting Journey,” which was boring. Now, I’m doing “Quilting Lessons I Have Learned“, and it is much more powerful. It also allows me plenty of places for self-deprecating humor – my favorite kind. Oh, and then I try to sell seats in my classes, but in a charmingly awkward way.
And, because I have enjoy asking for the jobs I want – if you are a member of a quilt guild and would like me to see my schtick, hook me up with your programs person. I can promise a pleasant hour, and lots of eye candy.
Do you feel Imposter Syndrome? How do you deal with it?
Want to read what real psychologists have to say about Imposter Syndrome?
Weir, Kristin. Feel like a Fraud? gradPSYCH Magazine. 2013. https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/fraud
I was raised not to brag, too, and it has definitely messed with my head. I am pretty comfortable showing my work in my blog (because it’s online), but showing my work in person is hard for me. I never feel that it is up to par. Love the mustaches – LOL!
I have struggled with imposter syndrome off and on in my life, but especially as an engineer. Somehow stepping out of that world and into quilting has helped me really embrace who I am and feel less… guilt / shame / worry / anxiety. Not that it hasn’t still cropped up from time to time. I love your thought that you are the person (imposter) they are asking for, I can se the power in that thought.
Ah, I can so relate. Thank you for sharing this with us. I wish I had been there for your revamped Trunk Show. Let me know if you are planning on passing thru Jacksonville, FL and I’ll see if any of the Guilds have an open session. Miss you!!!